BLOOD THINNER | Johnny Depp as a vampire: Kinda weird that nobody thought of this before, right? But judging from DARK SHADOWS — Tim Burton’s spoofy adaptation of the old occult daytime soap, starring Depp as a baroque bloodsucker who’s unearthed in the 1970s and confounded by such kitschy artifacts as disco balls and lava lamps — somebody definitely thought of this. And then the thinking apparently fizzled out, because, aside from Depp’s delightfully pantomimical performance, Dark Shadows is an undercooked goulash of distracted storytelling, nondescript characters and baffling supernatural flourishes. On this episode of Scorncast, Jasper and co-host Karim nevertheless try to make sense of it all, but between the porcelain witch and the sketchy poltergeist and the useless werewolf who drops by for, like, 15 seconds... yeah, no. Click the Scorncast banner below to listen!
■■■ Rating: PG-13. Running time: 113 minutes.
Scorncast #49: That ’70s Scorn (30:03)
original music by Bug